It started in nineteen sixty-five
A vibrant young company full of vigour and drive.
In the beginning was the Hollow,
Proved a hard act to follow – well three acts actually. Well it said so contractually.
A whodunit mystery
By Agatha Christie
And we continued that grisly theme
With our thespian team
On a similar basis most efficacious
There was Murder at Midnight and Murder in Play
Speaking of Murder – gruesome I’d say
A portrait of Murder - A Murder’s announced
Wait until Dark then the murderer pounced
Out of Sight Out Of Murder - A Time to Kill
Murder for the Asking, – a cyanide pill
There were victims a plenty in Sweeney Todd
And in Jack the Ripper we weren’t short of a bod (or two)
Not in Proscenophobia, to you that’s stage fright
I’m sure someone died in Woman in White
A stabbing in 39 Steps, just the one
A shooting in House Guest just for fun
And Lord Arthur Saville’s crimes numbered … well none.
But not for want of trying, or dying …. Or lying
But it’s not all been murder and mayhem and death.
There’ve been plenty of others shows – pause for breath.
A Hundred in reality – well Here goes ….
Let’s start with Three’s Company, Day after the Fair,
Bon Adventure, Dear Brutus, and Sailor Beware.
Boeing Boeing, Hedda Gabbler, All Together Now
The Enquiry. Miss Letitia
The Real Inspector Hound
Alfie. Confusions, The Skin of Our Teeth,
When We Are Married, No Time for Fig leaves
Don’t start Without Me along The Paper Chain
The Railway children on board the Ghost Train.
Came down a Blackbird and I’ll get My Man
A Letter to the General, Lilies on the Land
There were musicals, Oliver
Oh What A Lovely War
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the For- um
From Happy As A Sandbag with its World war 2 songs
To the Wizard of Oz and Dorothy we gently hummed along
I Am a Camera spawned Cabaret
A sinister MC conducting the way
Underneath the Arches, Bud and Ches sang
A wonderful story of the Crazy Gang
A Christmas Carol had songs and a rap
And a musical cartoon about Andy Capp …
We staged 3 Christmas Carols,
Dick Whittington’s two
And a play about Ladies with hair colour blue
A pair of Aladdin’s, I’m happy to say
A couple of Tangos down Grimley Way.
We’ve reprised Cinderella a couple of times
Would have been more but we ran out rhymes
Oh yes we did …..
We staged two Blithe spirts I though you should know
And returned several times to Allo Allo…Allo
All of our shows are The talk of Our Town
Including A Woman in a Dressing Gown
Tom’s Midnight Garden was full activity
With Treasure Island and the Flint street Nativity.
Spring and Port Wine with no hint of lager,
Cat on the Fiddle, Match girls, Fosdyke Saga.
The Killing of Sister George caused a stir
Carry on camping with her, her and her
Habeas Corpus with its difficult text,
Run for Your Wife On Monday next
There were Visiting Hours at Ferndale’s haunted house
Wind In the Willows with Mole, Badger and Mouse … well Rat actually but it wouldn’t rhyme.
We went dancing at Lughnasa, five Irish maids
Housekeeper Wanted full of charades
Book Of the month and Rape of the Belt
The Birthday Party wishes heartfelt
Bell Book and Candle and Red Riding Hood
In Moon Over Buffalo the acting was good
In Edge of Darkness they often spoke russian
The villain’s young daughter suffered concussion
The Heiress, the Purging, the Playathon too
That’s 94 down leaving just 22.
So here goes
Three Hisses for Villainy
Another Farndale Mystery
Chekhov’s Chalk Garden a classic play from history
Trial and Error, The Mummer’s Play,
The Camel’s Back, didn’t know he’d been away
A Brief Encounter with Noel Coward was a great review penned by Howard
It featured a score by Rachmaninov
A Pack of Lies, Daisy Pulls It Off
Crimes of Passion, rather nice
Strictly Sex factor on Ice
Home and Beauty, Coffee Break
Three Plays in search of an Audience – big mistake
For Pardon me Prime Minster we sold a lot of tickets
Twelfth man was set up north in a county playing cricket
Algernon left London went up-country shooting grouse
And No one shouted is there A Doctor in the House
Fifty years ago today we had no cyclorama,
It might have helped when we staged an evening of coarse drama.
Well that’s your lot of Hyde Heath Drama’s story
We came we saw we conquered … went down in blazing glory.
But listen when we stage a play we strive for true conviction
But really when we all look back … it’s just Improbably Fiction.
By Howard Elson